Mentors
I met with a dear friend, mentor and ex-boss yesterday. Though we meet each other fairly often, it is seldom that we get a chance to sit and talk with each other. Normally there are many people around clamoring for his attention which denies us this opportunity. Yesterday however was different – we had time for ourselves and a freewheeling discussion.
Our conversation covered many grounds. We caught up on several mutual friends and associates with whom both of us interact in different capacities. It was during this discussion that the topic of mentoring came up.
My friend is one of the most respected technologists in the Indian IT industry – specifically in the networking and system integration space. He has enjoyed a richly fulfilling professional career during the course of which he has mentored several people – I included. It was his observation that people who has risen to great heights often miss out on having a good mentor and are as a result lonely and sometimes frustrated with their jobs. My friend then pointed out that a mentor was different from a coach. Mentorship was not about the improvement of technique. A senior expert like Greg Chappel provides both coaching and mentoring to the Indian cricket team and the mentoring aspect was often overlooked when Greg Chappel is criticized for the performance of the team. Our conversation then drifted on to other topics, but left a thread in my brain that kept thinking about mentoring.
The word Mentor is derived from the ancient Greek legends of Odysseus who placed his son Telemachus in the care of an old friend Mentor. Mentor (or maybe the Goddess Athena in his guise) guided Telemachus in his times of difficulty. A mentor is a trusted friend, a teacher and a counselor. Mentorship is a developmental relationship between a mentor and his protégé.
I have been lucky through the later part of my life as a student and through my professional life to always have had good mentors. This has made a significant difference to me and who I am. The earliest person whom I can think of as a mentor was a friend of mine and a classmate in college called Manish Manchanda. I was always bright as a student (Modesty IS my middle name!) but never focused enough to appreciate studying or hard work. I remember it was at the beginning of my second year as a graduate student studying physics and mathematics that Manish one day had a discussion with me that change my life. To cut a long story short, he took me out of my day dreams, showed me a different perspective and put me back into my student world. Since then, I have had no issue with either academics, studying or hard work. I graduated at the top of my class and went on to study electronic engineering and did very well there too.
Likewise through the early stages of my professional career, I worked in Microland, an organization that captured the essence of the Silicon Valley type of technical innovation right here in Bangalore. Microland was a company where ideas – if they were bright – found a fertile growth to germinate on. Mentorship was an integral part of the organization and I remember being gently and at times not so gently being guided along.
Over the last few years, I have not had a mentor from within my organization. However I have had and still do have some of the best mentors I could hope to find. My friend Nagaraj is one, so are Samir, MSR, MLN, Anand and several others. My life is a lot richer because of them.
A mentor, to me, is a person who is first and foremost someone you can trust and have instinctive respect for. A person from whom you always have something to learn. A mentor is part teacher and part friend. Unlike a coach whose strength is analysis and consequently who works to improve your technique or to iron out your flaws, a mentor’s strength is synthesis. She (or he) provides that wide angle perspective, the ability to see you in the larger context that you are a part of and provide the necessary inputs that you could use if you so desired. Mentors don’t force you to do things. They provide choices. A mentor may be assertive and forceful at times but that is only to drive a point home. For many of us who would otherwise be lost in our daily drudge, a mentor is the person who comes as a breath of fresh air and gives us the strength and more importantly the belief to lead fulfilling lives.
I have been a mentor too and it is an experience I have enjoyed. However, in an earlier organization I worked in we had an organizational formal mentoring program where each of us senior managers was teamed with a bunch of bright sparks in the organization whom we were supposed to mentor. We had to have at least one mentoring meeting a month and had to report on progress. I could never succeed in this. I could not mentor someone with whom I did not have an established relationship of trust. Establishing this relationship was not something I could do with everyone assigned to me. I believe that there is some chemistry that must click. Something that tells Arjuna when he sees Krishna that here is my guru and the same something that tells Krishna to recognize his protégé. There is this mutual reaching out that happens and in my experience as a mentor and a protégé this reaching out cannot be manufactured.
I came away from our meeting yesterday refreshed and with a renewed sense of purpose. I do not remember discussing any problems or asking for help or even clarity. It was provided all the same. A feeling of warmth was imparted and I got a feeling that I belonged. I walked away with a clearer perspective and with unasked questions answered. Thank you my dear mentor.
